Sex addiction is the most personal addiction. It's also the most complex.

Successfully overcoming any problem begins with knowing what you're dealing with. Certain addictions don't need to be categorized. For instance, some alcoholics prefer wine, others prefer beer, others will drink anything. These activities don't need to be categorized for the alcoholic because there is no addictive difference between beer, wine, hard liquor, or any other form of alcohol.

Sex addiction, unlike alcohol, is diverse. Conventional, licensed therapy and the 12-step program don't distinguish between the different forms of sexual addiction. They use an "every addiction is the same" approach. Someone struggling with a shoe fetish will be given the same 12 steps as someone addicted to pornography. The husband cheating on his wife will be advised to use the same behavior modification techniques as the sexually addicted person who's never had a long-term relationship.

Are you aware that there are virgin sex addicts? A virgin sex addict is an adult who never had sex with another person. His or her entire sexual experience has been only with themselves through masturbation and/or porn addiction. It's ridiculous to give a virgin sex addict the same treatment as the person who's been promiscuous all their lives.

An obsession with a fetish is not the same problem as a porn addiction. A promiscuous person does not have the same addiction as the virgin sex addict. The husband cheating on his wife is not in the same boat as the voyeur. From these simple examples, we can see that an "every addiction is the same" approach does not apply to sexual addiction.

To begin successfully overcoming sex addiction, apply this easily observable fact:

All sexually addictive behavior falls into two categories:

• Addictive sex alone
• Addictive sex with someone else

The most common forms of addictive sex alone are masturbation addiction and/or pornography addiction.

Promiscuity and infidelity fall into the category of addictive sex with someone else.

The other sexual addictions can be categorized as either addictive sex alone or with someone else.

Many sexually addicted people have sexual addictions in both categories. Besides identifying which category the addiction resides in, you also need to take into account if the addicted person is in a relationship. A couple trying to hold their relationship together while struggling with a sexual addiction requires a very different approach than the sexually addicted person who is not in a relationship.

Understanding if you are engaging in addictive sex alone, or with someone else, or both will help you control your sexual addiction because it will help you understand it better. But identifying a problem does not end it. So here are some resources to help you further:

• The general sexual addiction interview
• A sex addiction interview for the man in a relationship
• For the person who has never had a successful relationship
• How to tell if your partner is sexually addicted.

For more in-depth discussions of

• Pornography addiction
• How and why men get addicted to porn
• Masturbation addiction
• Promiscuity and infidelity
• Fetishes
• Phone sex
• Other sexual addictions

Use:

• The Most Personal Addiction.
• Advice About Sex Addiction

Copyright Joe Zychik 1999-2008. Attn. Webmasters, students and researchers and everyone else: Please obey fair use laws. Thank you.